Pursuit of Happiness

In church two weeks ago, the pastor opened up his sermon with the question, "Are you happy?" My immediate inclination was to say yes. After all, I tend to be a very happy, optimistic person. But then he got me thinking. If I were to be honest with myself, I would have to admit that I had not been happy recently. In fact, at the beginning of this term (about the first month), I was miserable. I had absolutely no clue what I wanted to do with my life, I could not figure out what I was doing at this college, and I questioned just about everything (besides God ~ He and I had already been through a time of questioning several years ago). I remember being so upset at myself for feeling that way. After all, I was supposed to be this responsible, mature, put-together adult now, and then I was the one unable to keep my emotions under control. My sweet dad laughed at me, and told me that what I was feeling was normal and he would be worried if I did not feel that way. I'll never forget that. It was just what I needed to hear.


There was another time when I sat at my computer desk and positively sobbed while talking to my brother over IM. I remember telling him that I was so scared that I would end up wasting my life. He replied, "A life is an extremely difficult thing to waste when you care about not wasting it." I'll never forget that either.


And then I started to recover. Mom had told me to "bloom where you're planted" and I gradually began to blossom. It has taken time, but life has gotten better a little every day. I read a Psalm every night before falling asleep, and I took its promises to heart. When Psalm 30:11 said that God has "turned my mourning into dancing" I decided to live that out. And I began to remember happiness.


You see, I have found that happiness has little to do with what I have, but a lot to do with what I make of what I have. I am here, in this place, for a reason. I can't change it, and I don't think I am supposed to, so I might as well make the most of the time. If I throw myself into my task at hand, and focus on the positive aspects of life, I end up becoming happy without realizing it or even trying. Happiness comes about on its own without my conscious influence.

So am I happy? Yes, I am. And I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Moments of Wonder

Yesterday we had the most glorious weather. It was 60 degrees, partly sunny, and breezy. The wind that gently hurried me along my way was exhilarating. I felt I could go twirl on some obliging mountain and sing The Hills Are Alive. I took a ten-minute walk in the late afternoon around campus to enjoy the brief respite from winter. While I walked, I paid careful attention to the colors around me. Nature is simply breathtaking, and I noticed things I had not in a long time ~ the way that the tops of trees sway while their trunks remain firmly rooted; the lone bird singing on the roof of a dreary academic building; the white clouds softly painted across the blue sky; the layer of acorns on top of the brown mulch; the individual blades of green grass. I took the time to pray and thank God for His creation. He reminded me that as I face the insanity of the next few weeks, He will give me strength to get through (Isaiah 40:28-31). He often shows me the most amazing moments of wonder in the midst of the most stressful situations. Every day I search for something beautiful. When I recall it before falling asleep, I have often found not just one, but many, beautiful things. I think moments of wonder are God's way of saying He loves us and He's right here with us in the midst of it all. I'm incredibly grateful for those moments. It's because of them that I can take a deep breath and keep dancing through life.